Surgery and aftermath.... *warning bad language ahead*

I saw Dr Jones - he is mums surgeon and clinical director.  We all decided that putting me on the waiting list for surgery now would be the best thing to do.

So I got a letter saying my surgery is booked for the 11th June.

11th of June came.  I went to the hospital early as I was first on the surgical list.  Got dressed in my schmexy gown and stockings and went into surgery.

The next week was a blur......

I remember waking up and feeling bloody sore.  I dare not look down, I was too scared......

I wrote a few things and took pics whilst I was in hospital.  And because I can't remember anything, I'm using these writings and pics as my memory - if that makes sense hehe!

Here are the writings and pics from the few weeks after my mastectomy (these are copy pasted, so the spelling is exactly how it was written)....

19th June 2013

I just thought I'd write wee something (that I will elaborate on when I can). Anyway, yesterday my lovely mummy was concerned about the pain i was having, my temperature and how red the area around my right surgical site was. So she rushed me to auckland city hospital emergency dept, much to my disgust. ...

I was taken ro APU where I made myself as comfortable as i possibly could. I got xrays, ultra sound and 3 drip bags into me.

I thought I had my pain under control - I went to the bathroom for the 6th time in a few hours - when I went to walk back I got extremely dizzy and fell down. A nurse helped me to my bed and decided to take some obs. My blood pressure was fine, my heart rate was fast and my temperature was 38.5.

They transferred me to a monitoring room. From there things went downhill. My temperature eventually went up to 41 degrees and by that time I was crying and distressed, I could see birds walking around and flying in the room. I was so hot that I was practically naked with a fan on me to try and bring my temp down.

I asked my nurse this morning what jad happened last night and all she said was 'you were this ( ) close to dying.

I nearly died last night.

What the actual fuck!

If I didn't go with mum yesterday morning and left it till today to come in - I woildve died on the way to the hospital....

EDIT: Today I had more surgery to remove the right expander - along with all the infection and pus (the expander was drowning in pus- sorry its gross).

I now feel a lot better - still sore but no pain as such and my head is actually clear and im not hallucinating or anything anymore. My temp is back to normal too. I will be in hosp till approx Tuesday next week, so if you would like to visit let me know!

A muffin I got while I was in hospital.  Looks like a mutilated boobie LOL

Note I wrote while in hospital.  The nose on the right hand side was written on the 20th June.  I can hardly read it myself - I was so sick and delirious - could hardly write!

Some gifts I was given from the lovely Ceara and Bex at La Donna Moderna - You guys are so amazing, I can't thank you and the companies/people who donated these awesome things enough.  I'm still smiling over this care package, even months after you gave it to me!!

And finally - I previously had a pink ribbon tattoo on my neck.  Now that my risk of breast cancer has plummeted, I decided to put butterfly wings on it.  I believe that this experience has made me morph into a beautiful, strong butterfly.  Its been so very hard and I was so close to carking it, but i'm taking the lessons i've learnt about life and i'm running with them.....

Next surgery to put the expander back in the right side and commence inflation is booked for early 2014 - i'm already on the waiting list.



  

It's here!!

Here is a pic of the Good Health magazine article!  I hope you can view it properly.  It is such an awesome article and tells my story so well....

Good Health Magazine...

Last Thursday I had a photo shoot for Good Health magazine - April issue.  I have an article in there about my BRCA journey and the issues I face - mostly about my fear of losing my femininity.  I am still coming to terms with losing my breasts and ovaries/fallopian tubes and most of my fears are that I wont feel sexy anymore, or that I will feel like less of a woman.

The photo shoot really helped me actually.  The makeup and clothing were immaculate and the way they made me feel, I felt like such a princess!  Also having a male photographer tell me I look gorgeous and sexy helped too (but I know its just his job)

So I'm not sure when the April issue comes out, Ill let you all know!

Long overdue update!

So its been over a year since my last update!!  Time has flown....

Mum has had recurring trouble with the breast that had cancer, she has had numerous infections and has had to have Permacol inserted to act as a sling to hold the implant in place, as the flesh around it is absolutely buggered!  Between Christmas and New Years 2012 she had the implant and surrounding flesh taken out, after about the 5th infection needing hospital treatment.  She isn't getting another implant in that side, so at this stage she is waiting for a funded prosthesis.

We moved to Te Atatu South!  Our house is amazing and so is our pool! There is so much room here for everyone, we don't feel like we are in each others pockets like at the other place.

I went to The Gift of Knowledge conference in October 2012 - it was amazing!  A lady I used to work with went as well (she has BRCA2 as well), and we found the information and speakers invaluable!  I got information about how the BRCA genes are found via the genetics team at Auckland Hospital and also heard about all the various implants and reconstructions they can do - They can even create nipples out of the woman's labia.... They had speakers for oncology and fertility as well.  I was so blessed to get a scholarship through TGOK!

I have also been seeing the Breast Clinic Psychologist - she has been absolutely wonderful!  Helping me with body issues around losing my breasts and ovaries and also helping me with losing weight with CBT.  I have been doing Weight watchers for 3 weeks now and its so easy this time around!!

So after all that, we have decided to try for another baby now, and I will have the surgery after that.  I know I'm too-ing and fro-ing but its quite a hard decision to make :p

Its been so long!

Sorry I havn't posted in a while! Lots of things have been happening!

1. We are moving! To Te Atatu South - its a bigger place with a POOL!! We will still be living with my Mum, but thats all gravy baby!

2. My biopsy results came back negative. I am on 6 monthly Mammograms and Ultrasounds and I will also be having ovarian cancer screening too.

3. I have decided that I will probably have the surgery before I have another baby. So, as much as i hate the idea, I wont be able to breastfeed. At least I wont get cancer aye!!

I think thats all my news for now, ill update if I think of anything else thats happened lol.

Decision time

I have been so stressed out lately regarding money and finding a place to live so we could have another baby asap, so I could have my surgery asap (because I wanted an abdominal flap recon) - The other day I had an epiphany. I need to have implants in order to get what i want in life. If i just shut up and get implants, I can have the surgery asap, and still be able to have kids afterwards. If i went with the AFR then I wouldnt be able to have kids after.

I was being so selfish, not thinking of others. I thought poor me, i have this gene and i want what i want (recon wise) and theres nothing more to say about the matter. I have slowly realised that I cant have what I want, its just not viable, and i have to think of my family as well in this.

So next month, when i see the surgeon again (or before if my biopsy results are bad) I will tell him I have changed my mind - I actually feel so much better making this decision, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders :)

Stuff and Things....

So following on from my last post, I went to my appt and NOTHING showed up. These lumps I felt are there, yet there was nothing on the ultrasound and the mammogram. Suffice to say, I went home feeling very deflated and down.

Today I went to my 3 monthly appt with the breast surgeon. I told him about the lumps and how nothing showed up, he decided to do a biopsy to see if there is actually anything to worry about. So glad he did, once the results come back my mind will be at ease.

He told me that because of me wanting the abdominal flap reconstruction, that I will need to have my babies before I have the surgery. Good times. So I have to wait all that much longer before having the surgery.

They are putting me on a high risk screening program. I will have ultrasounds and mammograms done every 6 months and an MRI done once a year, until I have the surgery.

So now I have all my questions answered, a sore booby and man I feel sooooo much better about the whole situation!!! WEWT!